just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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