Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
