She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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