The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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