Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
