i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
