i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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