this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
