Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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