i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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