i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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