i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
