Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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