smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were trust falling into bushes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
