It's Friday. Sex?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
