You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my phone needs a breathalizer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
