1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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