Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
