The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
