Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
