Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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