You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
