I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
