i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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