one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
