Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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