Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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