Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
