How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
