Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
