I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
