Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
