I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
