just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
