omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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