lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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