I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
