I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
