is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
