she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
