you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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