I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
