So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
