We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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