im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
