My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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