so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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