im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
