break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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