I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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