Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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