so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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