My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
