Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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