you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
