How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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