Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
