we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
