i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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