Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
