When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
