he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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