so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
someone owes me an orgasm
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize