That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
