apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
