I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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